I miss the way we were
by SnowWhiteSummer
Summary: Masato is avoiding Ren for quite some time now and even though Ren doesn't know them, Masato has his reasons. Will he figure out what caused Masato's pain and will they find back to each other again?
1. Chapter 1

**Hey there again! :)**

**I still haven't overcome my fascination for Ren and Masato and therefore: Here we go again. :)**

**I hope you'll enjoy the story and I'd greatly appreciate constructive criticism or just a short hello to cheer up my day. :)**

**Italic writing is meant to be a flashback, just so you know.**

**Lots of love,**

**SnowWhiteSummer**

**Ps.: And still I neither own the characters nor anything else but the story in my head. :)**

* * *

„So that's it for today, everyone! ", Haruka clapped her hands together, smiling widely, "We'll meet again tomorrow, right. "

The sound of chair screeching, paper rustling and pen clicking could be heard while the members of Starish gathered their things, leaving the music room one after another.

Shou and Natuski were discussing rather loudly whether Shou would visit the next Piyochan- Convention or not, Natuski insisting that he had already bought the tickets and Shou exclaiming vehemently that he couldn't care less.

Ren silently stood at the windows of the music room, observing the scene. His gaze wandered over to Masato who was organizing his sheet music, carefully filing it away in single folders. Sensing the stare, the other man looked up and his blue eyes locked with Ren's brighter ones.

Grinning wickedly, Ren strode over to the desk Masato was standing at.

Leaning in close his fingers brushed just the slightest over the others palm. "I'd really appreciate you concentrating on me like you do on those papers. You've been organizing them for several minutes now, just to avoid my gaze, haven't you? So what is it with that quietness of yours lately?", Ren leaned in even closer, his breath tickling Masato's ear shell, causing the man to tremble slightly.

"It's not like you would care anyway, right Ren?", Masato hissed sharply and turning around, he left the room without another word.

Ren closed his eyes, clenching his hands on the table, his nails scrapping the wood slightly.

He could still feel Masato's warmth, still smell his scent and yet the other man was out of reach for him.

Masato had changed within the last weeks, avoiding Ren, keeping his distance and turning him down whenever he tried to approach him, whenever he was reaching out for him and now, now Ren was desperate to at least understand the reasoning behind all this.

"This won't get you anywhere, you know...", Tokiya's voice breached the silence ,"This time you've seriously pissed him off."

"You don't know a thing, Ichinose", Ren growled, not moving from his position, his fingers now clawing into the desk painfully. Before he could say anything more, he heard Otoya's hushed whispers and could practically feel Tokiya's stare on him while being ushered out of the room silently.

The low click of the door was the only thing signelizing Ren that he was alone by now; alone with his buzzing thoughts and overflowing emotions. "Finally", he sighed before he felt his knees giving in and dropping on the floor. Burying his face in his hands, he tried to calm his nerves and regain his composure.

* * *

Masato slammed the door behind him, tossing his folders carelessly on the floor while making his way towards the wardrobe, sending the sheets flying all over the room. Pulling forcefully at the handles, he opened the doors and grabbed a dark-grey hooded pullover from the back of the top shelf. Stepping over the mess of papers scattering all around Masato sat down on heavily his bed, burying his face in the piece of cloth, trying to hide the tears rolling down his cheeks and sobbing quietly.

Still damp from its last use and even though needing a proper washing soon, the pullover still held the scent Masato was longing for. It smelled like summer sunshine and tanned skin, warming you wherever you were; like wind ruffling through grass and leaves, always in motion; like summer rain on a muggy day, refreshing you; to Masato it smelled just like Ren.

But even though this feeling like home to him, Masato knew he had lost his place in Ren's world having been thrown out of it just some weeks ago.

* * *

"_No, really, that's just annoying you know...", Masato froze at his spot right in front of the dorm room he was sharing with Ren. He had been in one of the music rooms, practicing the piano and going over some of the notes Haruka had left him. _

_"Yes, I know, it's against the school rule, but you really have nothing to worry about...", Ren was on the phone and judging by the sound of his voice he was far from controlling his anger. "Of course it's complicated, of course it's trouble and no, of course it won't be easy...", Masato backed away slowly. Ren wouldn't like him eavesdropping, if it was something he was supposed to know Ren would tell him, because that's what you did when you were in a relationship. _

_Even though he wasn't quite sure if the fooling around they had done so far, could count as a relationship per se. Sure, he really liked Ren embracing him from behind, when he was rummaging in the wardrobe and he also liked leaning his head back and capturing Ren's lips in a chaste kiss and oh how he loved sharing Ren's bed just lying next to each other, feeling each other's heartbeat, drawing patterns on Ren's arm, feeling his warm breath, feeling save cuddled up to him, but he couldn't tell without a doubt, that this thing they had was a relationship; that this was love or anything in between or anything at all._

_So Masato turned his back to the door, deciding he would just pretend he had never heard a word when Ren raised his voice again._

_"No, seriously? If that's what you thought your dead wrong, dear brother... I do not like him, like you think I do, no seriously. Don't you worry about that...", Masato froze. Ren's voice had dropped in volume and everything Masato could hear was the hammering of his heart, the rushing of his own thoughts in his head. _

_So it wasn't a relationship after all, it really was nothing more than fooling around to Ren, just something to chaste away the loneliness... He didn't even like him... _

_Masato felt tears running down his cheeks, the urge to vomit overcoming him, his whole body trembling with tremors shaking through his body. He practically fled from the room in front of him and he was desperately avoiding Ren ever since._

_In the long run, it would be easier for both of them, he decided. He wouldn't force things and complicate the whole issue, he would be just as mature and unconcerned as Ren was; he would push the pain away._


	2. Chapter 2

It was pretty late when Ren entered their shared dorm room this evening.

Having been playing the saxophone for hours, his lips ached from the effort. He really missed Masato with all his heart, even though he knew the other wouldn't appreciate that, even avoiding just the slightest contact with him.

Opening the door Ren peered into the room, a relieved sigh escaping his lips, when he saw Masato's sleeping form, peacefully dreaming away.

Smiling he turned over to his own bed, when he noticed the piece of cloth being held by the other man. Clutching Ren's pullover tightly to his chest, Masato appeared to have been fallen asleep still holding it, his cheeks still showing glistening trails of tears and the cloth itself was positively soaked as well.

Ren didn't know how to react, when a sudden blast slammed the door behind him shut, a loud banging sound reverberating through the room.

Startled by the sound Masato's eyes flew open and were instantly met with Ren's, who just kept starring at the other, unable to move or react in any way apart from gaping.

Masato started to move first, feeling the soaked pullover in his hands. Carefully reaching at his own cheeks he still held Ren's gaze. Realization dawning on him he got up without another word, pullover still in his hand and stormed out of the room, leaving the door wide open behind him.

Rushing down the corridor Masato's thoughts kept buzzing in his head. Why did this have to happen now? Why did Ren have to see him like this? Why did he even cuddle with a stupid pullover that wasn't even his in the first place? Why-

"Don't you just walk out on me," Ren cried behind him, both of them now standing in the middle of the corridor. "I just don't get you, Masato. You leave rooms, when I enter; you won't talk to me or even look at me, no matter what I do. I can be careful, I can be bold, I can be everything, but it isn't enough", tears were streaming down Ren's face at this point, his voice growing thick with emotion. "All I want for you is to talk to me, Masato, tell me what's wrong", Ren was panting with the effort to control his body. "I will do anything. Anything just so you will talk to me, please...", he begged, his whole body shaking ,"I miss you so much...".

Masato froze in his motion. He had never expected Ren to follow him, to be so upset about him leaving.

"Why do you do that?", he asked, his voice trembling ,"Why don't you go looking for someone less trouble and less complicated? Why don't you turn to somebody you like, Ren?". Spitting out the words Masato turned around, his features hardened, his gaze cold.

He felt like breaking down and crying, but he wouldn't show Ren how lost he really was; the other man would never see how he had broken him, that would be just pathetic and he was past the point of being naïve and pathetic.

"Just take your pullover and-", Masato stopped abruptly, his carefully built up shell crumbling down in a mere seconds.

In front of him stood Ren Jinguji, hair disheveled from running his fingers through it, eyes red and swollen, cheeks glistening with wet trails of tears, panting harshly, looking at him with an expression of pure pain and grief.

He looked as broken and lost as Masato felt.

"You... the phone...I...", Ren was stuttering, his words tripping over each other in realization and confusion; his cheeks were blushing with pure embarrassment.

Just the sight of him caused silent tears to trickle down Masato's own cheeks again and avoiding the other man's gaze, he lowered his view to the floor, nodding ashamed.

"I... I... told my brother about us...", Ren continued, his voice kept forsaking him, breaking between small sobs and coughs. "He told me how stupid I was, befriending you instead of getting myself a nice girl... He... I... He said it would be nice anyway, since... Since it could reduce the rivalry between our families...", Ren cautiously reached for Masato's hand, his own shaking badly ," I told him, I didn't like you that way... I.. I... ". Struggling with his breath he coughed again, causing Masato to raise his view.

The sight of Ren being reduced to such an emotional mess caused all the remnants of anger and despair his heart had harboured to be replaced by gnawing guilt. His heart went out to Ren and carefully stroking back some of the loose strands sticking to his tear-stained face, he rested his palm on the others cheek, wiping away the tears.

"I told him that I loved you", Ren cried out breaking down again. Masato caught his collapsing body in a nearly painful embrace, pressing the other as tight as possible to his chest, his own tears streaming down his face irrepressibly.

"I love you too", he whispered kissing Ren's head tenderly ,"I love you so much."

* * *

They lay together in Ren's bed that night. Limbs entangled, bodies as close together as possible. Ren's hair was splayed out over the pillow while Masato kept caressing the others scalp, combing through the strands again and again.

Ren scooted closer so their foreheads were touching, relishing in the others warmth, his scent engulfing him. Raising his gaze just the slightest he looked into Masato's deep-blue eyes, "I really do love you, you know."

Smiling Masato closed the distance between them, tenderly grazing the other's lips with his own ,"I love you too", he breathed between them, his tongue teasing the lips in front of him.

Humming contently Ren ensued in the kiss, feeling Masato's heartbeat beneath his palm, slowly falling asleep to the soft sound of their shared breathing.

* * *

**Hey everyone,**

**I know the second chapter is pretty short, I apologize for that. Sorry. ^^"**

**If you enjoyed the story I'd be glad if you left a review or sent me a PM telling me what you liked, what you didn't like or if you even liked the story in the first place. That'd really help me to improve and I'd be pretty grateful. :)**

**Lots of love,**

**SnowWhiteSummer**


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